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I'll grow through this pain. Lord I'm doing all i can, to be a better man.
Sorry dear readers, I'm all right now. Just the usual emotional flu i caught along the way.
2 schools to teach and 1 private student.. Haha! Money dun seem to be a problem to me now. I used to be thinking why i got no schools to teach in this busy period. Where all schools are preparing for SYF. And suddenly pops out 2 schools and i got to arrange my schedule! I'm excited teaching and of course, getting paid! Sorry, I'm also planning on some internal upgrading on myself. I'll let u know more when i get through the first stage!
I still can't get it right on the C tuba! Arghhh... guess i just got to keep going. Hopefully, one day, I'll play as smoothly as i did on the Bb. In the meantime, it's gonna get sooo crazy! Because, I'm going to leave my current self and go on an adventure! Next dream on the list: To leave my current self. =)
Signing off,
Juls
Blogged @ 11:51 PM `
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What is really wrong with me? Really. What is really wrong with me? I feel so messy now. My heart is in a mess i mean. Not about what i said to someone last night. But about me as a whole. Guess i need someone to really talk to.. I can't let this vicious cycle continue..
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You know, we used to talk about fate. When it comes it comes and when it goes, it goes and never come back. I really can't imagine that we were actually in a same place but yet not found each other. I guess fate has really ended. I'm not sure why am i feeling this again. Guess i really was a useless guy. Maybe i still am. Simple things.. why i never thought of it? Never!? Took things for granted and then... it's gone forever.
Somebody told me once, "u know, you'll make a good boyfriend."
Juls: "in what way?"
Somebody, "u can give attention and care to that person"
Juls: "every guys can do that.. just that i used to take things for granted.. and when things happen, it's too late.."
Whoever the girl will be... whoever. I promise you i won't make the same mistakes ever again. Never...
Signing off,
Juls (i think i will use this name from now onwards..)
Blogged @ 5:52 PM `
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Waking up this early in a Christmas morning, found that i can't sleep anymore. And what i'm really feeling now is my stomach asking for something to fill it up. Hope i'm able to find something later. I'm wondering. Since so many people are not online, are they still out there partying in the middle of orchard road or already got tired out by the countdown we were rushing for every year and fast asleep at home? What's with countdown by the way? I tried a few times and ya, so? The world is still out here, and it just shows that we are going to get one year older soon. 22. Oh my god. Time flies isn't it? 22 years on earth and still accomplished nothing. This is the reason why i'm so worried about myself. 21st January is the selection test. And it will be my only way to go overseas to study music. For the fact that i'm not born with a silver spoon in my mouth, i got to grab at every opportunity that comes my way. 1 month away. A music score to study, not forgetting aural, orchestration and harmony test. Will i be able to make it through? Will i be able to fulfil my dream? Dear Santa, please grant me this dream of mine...
Morning, noon and night... This is the title of the piece of the conducting exam...
PS, I need you to be by my side..
Signing off,
Dreamer of dreams
Blogged @ 3:09 AM `
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5 birthdays in a month doesn't help when i was planning to save more money this month! Most hectic month of the year so far in terms of the festive periods and birthday bashes. But i really did have fun. Especially at Ed's 21st. One thing i found out is that when girls don't talk, it's not that they are acting hard to get or being "dao". It's just that they are shy. Right, girls? haha.. so guys, please don't be shy and talk to girls! It will not help when u are at this age and still being so shy! Pictures uploaded on Facebook, please go take a look, it's quite a hassle uploading into this web page.
Also, finally my chance of conducting an orchestra comes again! Darrell Ang is holding another conducting masterclass in Singapore! And in January, i don't think i'll be that busy to turn this one down. No matter what, i make sure i'll go! OR at least i'll try my best to go! As usual, the masterclass will end with a public concert. Those interested, please contact Kah Chun, Darrell or even me to get the details. 6 more places up for grabs! I'm just helping to spread the words! See? Dec-Feb will will be a very interesting and important period of my life. Hope everything goes smoothly this time. I know it's not easy. But please, just let this poor little guy here do what he'd always wanted to do!!!
Blogged @ 6:04 PM `
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I'm really sick of people. People whom says one thing but does another. People who don't do what they say.. or if they even attempt to REMEMBER what they said. Maybe these people, let's call them "PG", don't even know what they are saying, doing or even thinking. Ok, don't ask my why i gave the name "PG", it's not any acronym or whatsoever. It just came out of nowhere. Maybe it did came from somewhere, but don't ask me, i won't say it. Anger, mixed with a bit of confusion and sadness. "PGs" are real sad people isn't it?
One of my friends told me, "you really trust people alot... but it can be your greatest strength as well as weakness." Maybe i do. I don't judge people from the first impression. I treat all of them as nice people. Isn't it so true that we are all born kind? "Simplicity" is the word more suited for it i guess. Somehow as we grow up (or if we even did), our minds get polluted by all scheming acts, ulterior motives or even trying to be loved by everyone around us. Do we even need to do that? I do agree that to know what u say or how u communicate with people is part of EQ. But using that intelligence of ours to try getting some other things done, (as i said, ulterior motives) is not that noble after all.
Maybe, maybe... i shouldn't trust people too much from now. Humans.. when will we ever learn? Wake up.. before we all perish from this world without even knowing why.
Signing off,
Dreamer of Dreams
Blogged @ 6:54 PM `
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Standing alone on my own,
been doing this all alone.
1213 was our day
but it has since be someone else's "hey"
Move on as though you've changed
But deep in my heart i felt
is not all that I've said
How long more do i exactly need,
to actually move up,
and stand tall on my feet
Hope that someone is just out there
my spirit and heart for u
is all i want and care...
Time is a healer..
A slow one indeed...
Blogged @ 3:24 AM `
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I'm just so in love with Starbucks! The one at Cecil Street of course! Spend on a cup of coffee every Wednesday may seem to be wasteful. But it's the whole atmosphere that counts. It is especially so when Christmas is around the corner and the whole place is filled with Christmas music! I didn't ask the barista what time do they close though. If not i think it'll be a great place to hangout with friends!
Tomorrow's the release of the scores for the conducting component of THE SELECTION. Hope nothing's too difficult. Preferably those standard band music from Balmages, Grainger, Ticheli, Holst and Vaughn Williams.
Ok, i can't really write. I don't know why. Probably not in the mood to type emo and meaningful stuffs. Sorry, my dear readers! (If there's even anyone who bothers to read my blog on a regular basis..) Anyone here can be emo. Anyone... even my dog! Don't believe? take a look!
She's probably emo-ing on when Christmas is coming.. Oh wells..
Ok, peeps. Till then..
Signing off,
Dreamer of Dreams
Blogged @ 11:19 PM `
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Been fighting this stubborn sore throat of mine for the past 3 days. And finally today my body gave way. Spamming water into my stomach is of no use if no medicine is taken! Virus nowadays are some stubborn shit. Refuses to go away if you don't spend money on the doctors? Maybe.. just maybe, doctors are those who created them in the first place? haha.. Like how antivirus company creates viruses on the Internet so that their products can sell? Virus= money machine!
Well, trip to the zoo was cancelled due to some unforeseen circumstances. A blessing in disguise indeed. It rained the whole day today! Monsoon season is never a good time for outdoor activities. Unless luck is with u on that day. And this stupid sickness of mine came. So it's not really a bad idea to cancel the trip. Next time then!
And there was I, in the middle of the afternoon, driving home. Rain poured like no body's business. Till the point that i thought water is going to flood the whole of Singapore, if not the whole world. Traffic light after traffic light. And the windscreen wiper goes "tu-ta, tu ta, tu ta...." together with the sound made when the drops of rain fall onto my vehicle.. It's so comfortable sitting inside, and wondering why the feeling is so different when you're outside, without any umbrella with you. Looking at people running across the road, seeking shelter. And i turn my attention to the Honda civic beside me. This couple sitting comfortably inside, going for a nice romantic date, or at least that's what it appeared to be. One weather, different feeling. One situation, different point of view. That brings me to ponder about something. Do we all see things as it appears to be? When everyone says so, is there anyone who dare to say not? I'm sure there are two sides to everything. A coin has its head and tail. A book has its front cover and back cover. Is there even anything that hasn't got at least two sides to it? Think about it.. We shouldn't just rely on the single information we've got. In Mandarin, we call it "yi mian zhi ci". When you speak, think of it as writing an essay. I'm sure we all wrote essay in some point of our lives before, if we're not doing it now. Present both sides of view.. Not to protect yourself, but to protect the content you're talking about. Guns can kill... but words are the real killer...
Signing off,
Dreamer of Dreams
Blogged @ 8:41 PM `
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Another wonderful wonderful day! Not just ANY other day, but today! I never thought that i can do so many things in one day! Accomplish so much and learnt even more!
Sight reading with my C tuba is getting better! (duh? i got thrown into the deep water on my very first day playing!) Getting comfortable with it. Visit from canberra secondary was really an eye opener. =/ I just find that the tubists really got to get serious about learning. Gave them tips and hope that they'll listen. Same goes to everyone. Otherwise, the exchange programme will only be a waste. If any of them happen to read this blog, the only advice i can give is "practice and enjoy". I definitely can't teach through blogging right? Hope for the best.. =)
A last minute arrangement to have a conducting lesson under Clarence. I really appreciate the chance to conduct his band! Being thrown a score i've never seen before, i'm really glad that i made through it. The most important thing is that i've learnt alot today! And i love conducting! Only one word can be used for this, "shiok"! Ok, band matters are quite sensitive in singapore, if not the music world. I shall eleborate more if u ask me!
Japanese class is getting real exciting! 2 more lessons to the end of Elementry 2. Elementry 3 will start in April. That's sad.. But i can use the time to revise!
Lastly, my already fulfilling day is being top up with a confirmation to go to the zoo! Thank you! Hope it's not too late to tell my friend. If not, you'll have to join me and only me on that day! Which is not really a bad thing i guess? (not good either.. hahaha!)
It's december and christmas mood is starting to get into me. Before i really starts playing and slacking, practice i must! Qualification to YST i will!
Music, health, inspiration... that's all i ask for. Love? MAybe..
Signing off,
Dreamer of Dreams
Blogged @ 10:45 PM `
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Never did dreamt of getting my own instrument 3 years back. Now, I got my own! Nice sounding orchestral tuba, which cost me a 5 digit figure sum! Yes, I too, never thought that i could afford one. My parents will never be able to afford to buy it for me. Save and save, I would now say this is the best investment I've made! Treat it well, and I will still be able to sell it for a good price 5 years later! When i graduate from school! (Hope i will) In the meantime, it's practice time! For my audition in YST! (11k for a tuba or a china car? haha..)
On a heavier note, life's about being born, age, illiness and death, isn't it? It's how we live that counts. We can't resist when we're told that our time is up. We can say things like "one more day, please". Read from this blog that a 12 year old kid just passed away from HFMD. But I'm sure he led a fullfiling life. Being able to play the cornet, being able to go to school and being able to live like any other kid out there. We should learn from this brave little boy. He faced it bravely. He set down a good example. We should learn from what he had left behind. So nana, I can't ask you not to be sad, because we are all humans. He had left a note, to tell you that you need to live your life to the fullest. And the note says, "Courage".
"I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do, or any kindness or ablities that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer it or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.- William Penn
Signing off,
Dreamer of Dreams
Blogged @ 8:54 PM `
` Julian ♥