my dreams 22
Had a normal day today... Provost parade, playimg the same old marches again and again... haha... Thinkging of what to write for my blog... oh ya.. still cannot find a job.. got a tuition offer.. but the person never got backto me! Wondering how am i going to get that 3k to fly to Netherlands next january! strike 4D? or Toto? No, i dun bet.. haiz... i know i shouldn't keep thinking of money, but i can't help it! 3k is easy to earn... but i need a job first! especially theose from 6pm to 11pm.. who would hire me? haha... Anyone who read this blog, especially sngaporeans, who got job to offer me, please leave a comment ok? Haha...
I think it's really time for mw to practise my mionor scales le... No more time! My history of music, classical works...so many books to read too... But always got distracted by my games.. no one to help me, only myself... wadever la.. all the best to me, the dreamer of dreams...! God bless all!
Blogged @ 12:20 AM `
my dreams 21
Well, haven't been blogging for quite some time... been staying in bunk the past one week! Kinda miss home and my computer! Well, a chinese saying goes, "you yuan qian li lai xiang hui, wu yuan mian dui bu xiang feng" I guess it's really true.. haven't been messaging each other for quite some time.. but met her twice this week! One was when i was going home from pasir ris, and she borded the ame bus! So i sent her home and had dinner with her! Then, the second time was yesterday evening, i went TM to have dinner with my tpjc friends... then while crossing the road, someone held my arms and wad the.. it was jing! Fated? i dunno... but as she said, we're still friends? Very close friends i guess? Lol.. ok la, enough of her.. she dun care anyway!
After last night's performance, it really made my feel shameful of myself... the last piece was the college song.. Ex-Tpjcian, staffs and principal, sang along... The loudest college song i've ever heard... they sang with passion... it made my hair stood! U can see, Mrs Chan, our ex pincipal, who was so supportive of the band, singing so loudly, with passion, with pride... and me? I never got to really know how to sing the college song! Though as an appealed student, i should've known it right? Anyway, my trip there was not wasted... It was tpjc who gave me my dreams... and the values i've learnt will always be with my.. thank you, TPJC... Once a TPjcian, always a Tpjcian...!
Blogged @ 9:38 AM `
my dreams 20
Well, it's been a good day... or should i say it's been a great day for me! Really... never been so happy for many days le... and i guessif our relationship remains like this, it'll be good for both of us... meet like once every few weeks and during weekdays, i dun disturb her and she dun disturb me. Isn't that good?
Well, Yesterday while i was playing Dota, she smsed me saying that she would like to watch movie with me the following day. So i bought tickets today, brought her to fish and co before that and wow... wonder evening for me! Wanted to hug her since the beginning of the movie.. but i held back.. fearing of her rejection and i might ruin the whole thing! But well... after much hesitation, i just stretch out my hands, go around her and she leaned against me... it's like... my heart kept pumping non stop at 300beats/min!!!! Never had this feeling for a long time le... now then i realised that i really toook things for granted. Sent her home and on many occations, i wanna kiss her... not just a peck.. but a deep kiss! But again, i held back.. fearing of rejection again... and i think i should take things slowly... maybe the next movie outing? Lol... well, hope so! And i guess i'll be able to sleep well tonight and to play well tomorrow for my grade 8 tuba pieces! God bless jing and wish her well in everything she does!!!
Blogged @ 12:11 AM `
my dreams 19
Day by day... i found myself losing focus... keep losing things, and always lost in thoughts... I told myself to be strong, and to focus on my dreams. But i just can't do it... Maybe it's too hard for me to handle... Tried to read my book to stop myself from thinking... but the moment i open my book, once again, i'm lost in thoughts. Here am i in my room.. thinking of what to do next. Had an early fall out at 1pm... but who to share the joy with? Slowly, travel back home... dozed off in bus, dragged my feet home, on the computer, no one to chat to, no one to cry to.. switch off the computer, open my book and close it again... and i did that several times before i fell asleep.. That's what i did almost everyday... so, i decided to stay in from next week onwards. It may be a form of running away from reality.. but i don't care le.. can't even tell my parents about it.. but how temporary is the "temporary"? one year? two years? or 10 years? I don't even know the answer... by then, what will i be like? Zombie? No, i don't wanna be like that... i still want to achieve my dreams... but i keep losing focus.. hope time will heal my wound... hope so... my heart is aleady torn apart... it's painful, it's agony to me... someone please help me... but the only one who can help me is myself... be strong, julian... be strong...
Blogged @ 6:04 PM `
my dreams 18
What she said is true... when not meeting each other, your heart fonders.. the anticipation, the excitment of seeing her on saturday is so real... so huge... Can't really concentrate on reading my music. Maybe i simply thinks too much... and today is my off day... that's why i tried to keep myself occupied... slept till 3pm... nothing to do also.. dun wanna wake up early in the morning and keep thinking of her.. so i guess i'm just running away from reality... so many times i wanna pick up the phone and call her... so many times i wanna write an email to her...to tell her how much i miss her.. but i just couldn't pick up the courage... dun wanna affect her also..
dreamt of her twice in my sleep... that we were having snacks together.. eating nachos with cheese... one of her favourite...
hope that i can get stronger each day... wish her to be happy... that's all...
Blogged @ 7:48 PM `
my dreams 17
Ok... everything is settled. I'm now single... and the break-up was done in a peaceful manner. We promised each other to keep in contact and be "brothers and sisters". I thought this was a mature move. Maybe one day we may be together again... maybe not? But what she needs now is to focus on her studies. And for me, my music... I can still feel that she got a "she bu de" feeling... so am I... but time is a healer... And for now, we are very good friends, brothers and sisters... Let nature takes its course for our future then... because i believe in destiny... And for the last time i'm gonna say, dear... thank you very much for the 3 yrs and 8 months you've given me... never regret loving you... today is our 3 yrs 8 months anniversary, and it also marks the end of our boy-girl relationship... hope one day, we can come together again... but let's not force it to happen... do what you're suppose to do now and you will always have a place in my heart.. once again, i love you..
Alright, Julian Low, come back to fufil your dreams now... you got not much time left..
Yes, i'll concentrate on my music now... focus on my dreams like what jing is doing for her studies. 5 years... i'm giving myself 5 years... and by then, i'll be standing on the podium on Esplanade Concert Hall... Conducting Persis Overture and New World Symphony... Listening to the applause from those who've been suporting me... I will....
Blogged @ 12:45 AM `
Be kind to others...
What do you think of the phrase, "Being kind to others is being mean to yourself"?
You think it's right? Or you think it's wrong?
To be, this is a selfish thought... only selfish people think that way... It's a corrupted thought... never think such way.. never... please... never... i know she's your best friend... but "best friend doesn't always give the best advices" We are here to live... to live to the fullest to our live... And to live to the fullest, we must learn to give... and to give, we must first learn to be kind to others...
After reading her blog, i just felt so uneasy... i love her... i dun want her to be corrupted by thooughts... this world is juz so evil... the whole cultural is wrong.. just that no one dares to admit it..
We put or values in a very wrong way. And it leads to very disillusioned lives.
We've got a form of brainwashing going on in this society. Do you know how? They repeat something over and over. And that's what they do in this society. Owning things is good, more money is good. More property is good. More As you got for exams is good. More is good, more is good. We repeated it-- and have it repeated to us-- over and over until no one bothers to even think otherwise. An average person just got so fogged up by all these, he has no perspective on what's really important anymore... He will never learn to give... because all he wants is more things... more money... more cars.... Let me change the phrase. "Being kind to others is giving a gift to yourself." "being kind to others is being kind to yourself" "being kind to others makes the most out of yourself".... Remember that...
Blogged @ 1:02 AM `
my dreams 16
Haven't been blogging for quite some time. Because i just feel that life has came to a complete stop to me. She said she is willing to give our relationship another try, another chance. But i can't see it. Wanted to go out today to study and to go for a book fair... but she cancelled it the night before, saying that she got some family problems. So i asked her to stay at home. But she doesn't want to tell me what's the problem.. till now... I mean, i'm her bf, can't i just know abit about it? when i have any problems, i let her know straight away... nothing to hide, no matter how embarassing the situation is.. i just feel so disappointed. i know she want to settle the matter before telling me. But i had known their parents for quite some time.. what's there to hide? I may not be able to help, but i care... The whole day, she didn't msg me... I need to call her before she asked me about my whereabouts... And on my way home, i called her again... But because of the TV programme, she refused to talk to me.. i mean, is she the jing i relly know? Is she the jing i've known for 4 yrs plus? Is she the jing i've had relationship with for 3 yrs plus? No.... she changed... alot.... alot... I'm feeling so lost now... On one hand, she said she's willing to work things out, on another hand, she doesn't seem to care about me.. What am i suppose to do? I really don't want to lose her... Lonely Julian...
I'm walking down the street
Looking into the glasses,
But I see only pieces..
Pieces of our wonderful times together
And i thought it would last forever...
No... That's not the case..
There used to be two person in the glasses
But i now only see one.
Where are you, my love?
Where have you been?
And i'm still walking down the street,
Waiting for u... And please,
Let us meet....
Blogged @ 12:19 AM `
my dreams 15
Having off till thursday man... real bored! Tomorrow is my last off day... but so many things had happened...
Just had a chat with my dad. Didn't know that there's so much problem between my parents... i mean, i knew there's problem... but i didn't realise how bad it was. i always thought that my dad is the "bad guy" for not treating my mum well... but the fact is my mum does not put in the effort to communicate with him.. pa tried very hard le.. i can see.. i juz feel so sad.. i always know that i have a character similar to my dad. i just feel so sad for him... for the family.. well, they just dun communicate well. they need to talk i know.. but my ma can't afford to have those "i not happy i walk out of the room" attitude... but that's her character.. i'll try to help as much as possible... but if one day they're going to leave each other, i hope i'll be 21 by then...
Well, so much problems... wanna study but no money... wanna be with jing forever but i need to study overseas for 4 yrs... wanna see my parents happy but i can't help much... wanna be happy that's all...
Blogged @ 1:50 AM `
p.s. i love you
I really dun wanna leave jing... i love her too much to let her go... went to find her halfway through the national day dinner but i just can't express my feelings. All i said to her was i miss her... i love her. Maybe it was a mistake to look for her in the first place. But my heart kept telling me to find back my happiness... and i know my happiness lies in her. 3 years and 8 months le... things just seemed to come to a stop all of a sudden... She said she made a mistake by accepting me back when we broke up the last time. But i wanna tell her that it was not a mistake.. i did love her with all my heart and since then, i've not done anything that hurts her. AND I DARE SAY THAT SERENE WAS NEVER EVER BETTER THAN HER! Jing is the best... too many reasons... she is just the best.. tonight may be the last night we hugged and kissed.. but i will always remember it...
jing, "as long as i'm in love with you, i'll love you with all my heart"... and i did that le... if we were to be together again, i promise.. i'll love you more than just with my heart... it'll be with my soul, my entire memory, my entire energy... and my entire lifetime... i love you...
Blogged @ 12:27 AM `
my dreams 14
Finally met jing today... We chatted and had snacks at a bubble tea shop downstairs. It's a nice day for both of us. How i wish we can do it more often! Missing her now...
Went for alumni band practice today! So nice man... it's totally different from playing solos! That's wad i like about band! Though i'm in the SAF Bands, they only play marches and marches! That's not an enjoyment for me! Music is to calm the heart and soul... to give one courage and the feeling of love...! I promised daniel i will be back next week, though so many of my friends "put aeroplane"!!!!
Just emailed Dr Lee to enquire about private conducting lessons for Kiong Wee and me. Hope he will agree to it...
Blogged @ 11:50 PM `
my dreams 13
The thought of leaving my darling jing is becoming so real... I really don't wish to leave her just like that... jing, i love you...
Got nothing much to say.. feeling so vexed... sorry..
Blogged @ 11:09 PM `
my dreams 12
Finally got some decent practice today.. played the whole afternoon with some breaks in between though. And i am glad to say that i'm completing my Rondo part! Was quite fustrated when chek yao kept blasting his bloody trombone outside my room! Bloody hell! Then i went out and played my beloved Tuba! I sounded so nice man! Not good enough though! low notes not clear.. not enough support! Got to work on low notes more. So chek yao got no choice but to return to his room. I mean, u booked an IP room and u keep playing outside... what's the point?
Good news today! Heard that Dr Lee is staying in TPJC! yea... not because of the students actually la.. he got plans for the jc1 for next yrs syf! And our principal, Goh Hwee Choo, stopped all CCAs without consulting him.. haha... Anyway, he is staying and TPJC, will get many more gold medals in years to come!
Cheers man, to all tpjcians and former band members!
Blogged @ 8:57 PM `
My dreams 11
When Team Singapore marched out to the stadium in Sydney 2000, the commentor of the opening ceremony said, "Singapore, a country with great olympics dreams... but does nothing about it.." True enough.. they had been working hard.. they have great dreams to bring Singapore's sports to the world stage. But they did not do the right thing... Until today, they're still dreaming.. 6 years had since past...
Starting to get fustrated of myself.. I don't wanna be like "Singapore".. I want my dreams to become a reality! I had time to practise.. But I didn't make full use of it.. went to chat with Kiong Wee instead..! What the hell.. I mean, how can I succeed with such a bad discipline? Amsterdam Conservatory is holding an entrance exam next January! What the hell am i doing???!! 5 months to get my theory and aural right... If i'm successful, i'll be able to distrupt my NS with 3 months remaining! I wouldn't want to wait for another year to start my education! No, i must be hard on myself, or else i wouldn't make it in time.. Don't forget, Julian, you have to support your parents if they really fork out the money for your education! Don't let them down.. START WORKING, Bloody hell!
Blogged @ 10:06 PM `
` Julian ♥